No-fault divorce is power
No-fault divorce is power
Thoughts and news for the week of September 18
Happy Monday, witches who are in unstable places from my wild recent past. Let’s talk about divorce!
If you’ve been reading Reclaiming for a minute, you know I grew up in evangelical Christian purity culture. This conditioned me to be ready for a very early marriage, to save my purity for my cis-het husband, to submit to him and have lots of kids, and never to get divorced. I was 22 when I got married. My prefrontal cortex wasn’t even fully developed.
After seven painful years, I summoned the courage to ask my first husband for a divorce when I was 29. I filed at 30, and by 31, I was free. Throughout my first marriage, I was deeply unhappy and, at one point, had suicidal ideation. I felt trapped. It is not hyperbole to say that divorce saved my life.
Earlier this year, only five years after my lifesaving no-fault divorce was finalized in the state of California, I read article after article in horror about how the GOP is eyeing it as their next battleground in their never-ending culture wars.1 It seems far-fetched, sure - but then again, three years ago we were told abortion access was “settled law.” There was a time not long ago when discussions of ending Roe were merely pipe dreams designed to fire up the base. The potential death of no-fault divorce is real.
Earlier this year, overall scumbag conservative podcaster Stephen Crowder went public with his divorce saying, “Since 2021, I’ve been living through what has increasingly been a horrendous divorce. … No, this was not my choice. My then-wife decided that she didn’t want to be married anymore and in the state of Texas that is completely permitted.” A few weeks later, footage surfaced of him verbally abusing his pregnant wife. Still, he doesn’t think she should be able to leave him.
Crowder’s statements aren’t a new sentiment, either. Last year, the Republican Party of Texas adopted a platform that includes this plank:
“214. No-Fault Divorce: We urge the Legislature to rescind unilateral no-fault divorce laws…”
Conservative leaders in Louisiana and Nebraska have also made clear their intentions to get rid of no-fault divorce. Additionally, a former Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense for the Trump administration recently tweeted and deleted, “No-fault divorce turned marriage from a covenant into a contract.” Daily Wire and PragerU host Michael Knowles has also expressed his support for ending no-fault divorce, and right-wing podcaster Tim Pool said it is “ruining relationships.” On the surface, this may sound like a bunch of red-pilled incel speak — but in the post-Roe era, it feels like everything that protects a woman’s right to decide her future is on the table.
No-fault divorce came about in 1969 with the California Family Law Act, signed by, of all people, Governor Ronald Reagan (himself divorced.) The Act eliminated the need for fault-based divorce grounds such as neglect, abandonment, adultery, intemperance, extreme cruelty, and lengthy imprisonment, which were often adversarial and favored the party with more money (and could be used by husbands to control their wives.) The concept was eventually adopted by all 50 states. Later in life, Reagan said signing this Act was his “greatest regret.”
In addition to streamlining the bureaucratic process, no-fault divorce ended up having a major effect on women’s autonomy and freedom. The laws spared autopsies of marriages in open court and allowed divorcing couples to focus their time and energy on sorting out finances and custody arrangements. To be clear, women still historically bear the brunt of social and economic burdens that come with divorce and are asked to meet greater demands with fewer resources than their former husbands. Despite these realities, women are still far better off with no-fault divorce.
It makes absolutely no sense to get rid of no-fault divorce from a cultural and legal standpoint. Today, two-thirds of all divorces are non-adversarial; having to prove fault will only create animosity where it doesn’t need to exist. Furthermore, the solid majority of U.S. citizens find divorce to be “morally acceptable,” and the divorce rate has actually decreased since the advent of no-fault divorce. No-fault divorce law has also decreased cases of domestic violence, suicide and spousal homicide for women, and prioritizes the well-being of children by reducing the emotional turmoil often associated with fault-based divorces.
Seriously - the only people who want to get rid of no-fault divorce are a tiny sliver of the population: incels, “alpha” males, and the far Religious Right. But as Roe’s demise taught us, that will never stop them from trying.
Make no mistake: the far right’s aim to eliminate no-fault divorce is purely to control women in heteronormative marriages. Reinstating faulted divorce weaponizes the system further against women and makes the process even more dangerous for them (the most perilous time for women experiencing abuse is when they attempt to escape.)
Today, culture warriors are terrified that the nuclear family is losing its potency. They want to return to the old, outdated family model, which is their idea of the pinnacle of Christianity and the building block of moral culture. It is also the domestic unit of capitalism that further perpetuates white supremacy, but that’s the quiet part they won’t say aloud. Yet.
In my work, I’ve met so many divorced women - especially purity culture survivors like me - whose lives were saved by leaving patriarchal marriages. I’ve also met plenty of women who left marriages because they simply grew apart from their partners. Honestly, the reason for dissolving a marriage of any gender or sexuality makeup doesn’t even matter. To eliminate no-fault divorce is downright cruel to women.
No-fault divorce makes it more likely that the Steven Crowders of the world might find themselves divorced against their will. But, honestly - that seems like a good thing to me.
That’s it for this week, my sweets. Until next week, I love you to pieces-
Sarah
In the news
Last week marked one year since the death of Mahsa “Jina” Amini, who had been detained by Iran’s morality police for “improperly” wearing her hijab. Amini went into a coma while in custody and died shortly after. Despite the government’s attempts to cover up the circumstances of Amini’s arrest, pictures of her in the hospital and the eventual news of her death sparked massive protests and set the Woman, Life, Freedom movement in motion. Tens of thousands of people spilled into the streets in around 100 cities in an explosion of suppressed pain over years of censorship, patriarchy, and government coverups. The government harshly retaliated: It’s estimated that in the first six months of the protests, more than 500 police and protesters were killed, 20,000 people arrested, and at least six executed. Internet access was disrupted in an attempt to suppress the protests. Authorities are still arresting, intimidating, and threatening protesters and their families. Niloufar Hamedi and Elahe Mohammadi, the two women journalists who first reported on Amini’s death, are still under arrest and awaiting trial with charges of espionage. Seventeen more journalists remain detained. Hold our Iranian sisters in your heart and take action if you’re able. Their revolution is our revolution.
A mural of Mahsa Amini in Sydney, Australia (via Saverio Marfa) Good news - the California Senate has approved unemployment for striking workers! And speaking of striking workers, last Friday more than 10,000 auto workers announced a strike for better wages. There are plenty of popular (mostly bad faith) anti-union talking points that still get passed around, but support for unions is at an all-time high: 71% of Americans approve of them, the highest number since 1965. Keep supporting these strikes, witches! The more pressure applied to the system, the more likely the system will have to change.
Lyft's new feature lets women and non-binary riders request their driver's gender which might be comforting if 75% of the drivers weren’t dudes.
Final thoughts
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Imagine forcing someone to stay in a “relationship” with you, live in your house, do domestic labor and have duty sex with you who doesn’t want to be there. That sounds like ownership not marriage to me. Ultimately that’s what this is about. Let alone the unnecessary trauma of reinstating fault requirements.