Never read the comments
Thoughts and news for the week of July 31
Hi my loves,
The other day, an article I wrote for a large media outlet went live. (Reclaiming has a bunch of new readers here from it, so if you’re one - hi, so glad you’re here!) The article was a personal essay about my relationship with Eric, and the editor commissioned the piece from me. The topic he proposed was exceptionally personal, but because it was about church-sponsored virginity pledges, I agreed to tell such an intimate story. I will always take the chance to speak out about the sexualization and emotional abuse of young women in the church due to purity culture. What I say often makes a lot of people very uncomfortable and very angry.
Although I knew its publication on this huge platform was coming, what I didn’t know was that the piece would be syndicated, which means it’s picked up/cross-posted to several other large publications and then zapped to the screens of thousands of extra people. During my morning coffee, I clicked on one of the syndicated versions, and there they were: six hundred comments and counting. A small cross-section:
I’m not one to ever let trolls get to me, but I’ve also never seen my super intimate story on such a big platform, and the sheer vastness of the audience left me feeling extra vulnerable. It is always jarring to read stuff like this about yourself, even if you know it’s a bunch of incel bullshit. This isn’t my first brush with misogynistic backlash; I’ve spoken about it plenty of times before, but for some reason, I couldn’t shake the ickiness this time. I closed my laptop and called my best friend Alisa, who gave me a much-needed pep talk.
The timing of this episode comes the week of Sinéad O’Connor’s still-unexplained death, prompting me to look toward her various acts of subversion and their backlash. (To be clear: I am not comparing my situation with hers, I am simply saying that I have much to learn from what she went through.) Although her music could stand alone as her legacy, Sinéad will also be forever known for tearing up a photo of the pope on SNL in 1992, an act of disobedience that caused her blacklisting in mainstream pop culture. She incurred a crushing amount of unfair public wrath for this display: the following week, Joe Pesci hosted SNL and held up the same photo of the pope, now taped back together, and said that if it had been his show, “I would have gave [sic] her such a smack.” Frank Sinatra, performing in New Jersey shortly after the episode aired, reportedly announced, “This must be one stupid broad. I’d kick her ass if she were a guy. She must beat her kids to stay in shape.”
But the hate she got wasn’t about the pope picture. The people who attacked Sinéad dragged her because she spoke up, because she was unapologetic when she exposed authority. They hated her shaved head, which she said was “in response to male record executives who’d been trying to goad her into wearing miniskirts, into appearing more traditionally feminine.” They hated her for boycotting the Grammys because of America’s involvement in the first Gulf War. They hated her because she refused to allow the national anthem to be played prior to one of her shows. The hate she got wasn’t ever actually about the pope picture - it was about her voice, which she used not just to sing, but to speak truth to power.
All of this is to say that women who speak up and share their stories will always be targeted by people attempting to intimidate them back into silence. But this is not a reason to stay quiet. The comments I got from this article weren’t actually about my virginity pledge or sexual experiences as a teenager - they were in reaction to the fact that I had the guts to tell my story at all. I doubled down on my vow to myself to keep telling it even when the hate feels extra biting. The louder we get, the harder we are to ignore. I take strength and refuge in Sinéad’s courage.
But one thing I’ll remember from this: even if you think you can handle them, never read the comments.
That’s it for this week, my loves - Happy Lughnasadh, a Sabbat celebrating the harvest, which the witches observe on August 1 by eating bread! Tomorrow is also a Full Moon in Aquarius, a perfect time to dream big, and to remember that the haters will always hate the dreamers, and it’s your job to dream anyway.
Until next week, I love you to Pluto and back-
Sarah
Recs of the week
Reading
Yellowface by R.F. Kuang. A fiction book! This one is SO good - a story about a white woman who steals the manuscript of her Korean American friend and passes it off as her own. The protagonist is truly an unlikable character in a way that resonates, unlike other recent unlikable protagonist-fueled fiction I’ve read lately (*cough* The Guest by Emma Cline *cough*.) I also just love that it takes place in the writing and publishing industry and feel very validated in my feelings about how toxic and wild and scary it can be. I recommend it if you like fiction - it’s a very quick and satisfying read.
Watching
Broad City. This is definitely a re-watch, but the perfect summer show. I know Gen Z has just discovered Girls, another ten-year-old summer-in-NYC show, and is playing it out all over TikTok - so Broad City is a great alternative if you’ve seen too much Lena Dunham in your feed lately.
Listening
No further commentary needed.
In the news
Republican lawmakers, via the annual House appropriations agricultural bill, are proposing to eliminate or reduce WIC (aka the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children) benefits for 5.3 million kids and pregnant, postpartum, and chestfeeding adults, the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities estimates. Of that total, roughly 4.6 million participants would have their benefits cut, and another 650,000 to 750,000 eligible people would likely be turned away from the program entirely because of funding shortfalls.
To be clear, these GOPers are proposing to cut WIC only because they’ve promised to slash nondefense spending, and WIC seems like an easy target (although they’d be wrong, because available research suggests that every dollar spent on WIC saves much more than a dollar on other government spending programs.) This is all so rich coming from a bunch of ghouls who pledged to support women facing unplanned pregnancies when SCOTUS overturned Roe last year. Remind any Republican that their reps are trying to take food away from disadvantaged new moms and their kids when they say that the GOP is pro-life.
Thirteen schools in the East Ramapo School District in New York—home to over 9,000 mainly Black and Latine students—have been cited for having unsafe drinking water. In a letter to Governor Hochul, the New York Civil Liberties Union likened the water situation in East Ramapo to that of Flint, Michigan, mentioning that “lead in the water at East Ramapo public schools was discovered seven years ago, yet it remains unaddressed.” Furthermore, all 13 school buildings received a failing rating in a survey of building conditions completed by a New York-based architecture, engineering, and construction management firm. The district’s school administration building also received a failing rating, and other buildings in the district received unsatisfactory ratings. This keeps me up at night.
Final thoughts
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You are so incredible and inspiring and I am SO PROUD to be your friend! Keep fighting the good fight 🖤🙏🏽✨